Blog Posts
Imposter Syndrome
by Ana Chen
Defined as “a psychological pattern of behavior where people doubt their behavior and accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud,” imposter syndrome is the small print that accompanies almost any sense of validation. It’s the lactose intolerance to boba: almost nobody talks about it, but it’s always there.
I should stop making metaphors.
But discussing imposter syndrome is different from discussing other mental health issues: recognizing it is the same as recognizing your potential “fraudulence.” I suffered from imposter syndrome through all of middle and high school - my friends performed so well on tests, in their extracurricular activities, and seemed to know exactly what they wanted in life. I was just an energy bunny: writing in a vacuum, unwilling to make study guides and ID’s for pointless exams, a late starter to both ballet and the concept of discipline.
Imposter syndrome hit hard in eighth grade as I realized the significance of college applications (especially in our high-achieving bubble). In retrospect, I can identity several unhealthy coping mechanisms with my feelings of inadequacy: subtly flexing on my accomplishments so that others wouldn’t look down on me, cramming as many awards as possible into my Instagram bio. Later on, that manifested in an extensive LinkedIn profile and a certain vindication that came with writing resumes.
But by writing and emphasizing our accomplishments, by defining ourselves along our awards and projects, we trap ourselves in a cycle of chasing validation for our validation. We often complain about colleges and various other organizations (CollegeBoard, looking right at you) reducing us to numbers and letters and awards named after old white guys. But don’t we do the same to ourselves?
When we depend on these coping mechanisms to suppress our fears of inadequacy, we are reducing our values to our awards and, consequently, increasing the competition that accompanies the race after these awards. These “coping mechanisms” reflect our need for validation from others, yes. But they also reflect a self-dialogue to boster our self-esteems, to assure ourselves that we are not frauds in the face of individuals who seem much more accomplished and put-together than ourselves.
Honestly, if we’re going to call ourselves frauds because of our flaws, this world is fuller of BS than my IB History essays. Victory is sweet, but the joy it brings is often short-lived. What I’ve realized is that for the activities I’m passionate about (writing, ballet, and managing It’s Real immediately come to mind), it’s much more fulfilling to improve myself and/or the project than to decorate it with awards. I’ve learned this year (although I’m far from a social butterfly) that I love connecting with people through my art and It’s Real: I’ve come to view these connections as the ultimate “achievement” for my work. And the best thing is that this achievement doesn’t have an end to it. It keeps growing as I grow, and it’s often unaccompanied by imposter syndrome. After all, you can’t really quantify connections, nor the significance of your project(s) to another individual.
Of course, everybody experiences imposter syndrome to different extents (some not at all), and everybody has different ways of coping. But I just wanted to discuss something that is typically not considered a severe mental health issue, yet is so widespread and aggravating, especially and ironically among high achievers. Recognizing that there’ll always be someone better than you may be humiliating, yes. But it’s also liberating - why bother pointlessly chasing after validation when you can just work on yourself?
I talked about emotional dependence and the paradox of internal/external validation in earlier pieces, and I believe imposter syndrome is a culmination of these phenomena. It’s hard to discuss imposter syndrome unless you feel relatively confident in yourself (as it is with all mental health issues), but so much of that confidence depends on external validation.
As AP/IB season draws to a finish and college apps begin, remember that imposter syndrome will always be there. And as I usually conclude in my essays, I don’t really have an answer for you. But hey, just take a look at Subtle Asian Traits and you’ll realize that lactose intolerance has never stopped us Asians from getting our boba.
by Ana Chen
Defined as “a psychological pattern of behavior where people doubt their behavior and accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud,” imposter syndrome is the small print that accompanies almost any sense of validation. It’s the lactose intolerance to boba: almost nobody talks about it, but it’s always there.
I should stop making metaphors.
But discussing imposter syndrome is different from discussing other mental health issues: recognizing it is the same as recognizing your potential “fraudulence.” I suffered from imposter syndrome through all of middle and high school - my friends performed so well on tests, in their extracurricular activities, and seemed to know exactly what they wanted in life. I was just an energy bunny: writing in a vacuum, unwilling to make study guides and ID’s for pointless exams, a late starter to both ballet and the concept of discipline.
Imposter syndrome hit hard in eighth grade as I realized the significance of college applications (especially in our high-achieving bubble). In retrospect, I can identity several unhealthy coping mechanisms with my feelings of inadequacy: subtly flexing on my accomplishments so that others wouldn’t look down on me, cramming as many awards as possible into my Instagram bio. Later on, that manifested in an extensive LinkedIn profile and a certain vindication that came with writing resumes.
But by writing and emphasizing our accomplishments, by defining ourselves along our awards and projects, we trap ourselves in a cycle of chasing validation for our validation. We often complain about colleges and various other organizations (CollegeBoard, looking right at you) reducing us to numbers and letters and awards named after old white guys. But don’t we do the same to ourselves?
When we depend on these coping mechanisms to suppress our fears of inadequacy, we are reducing our values to our awards and, consequently, increasing the competition that accompanies the race after these awards. These “coping mechanisms” reflect our need for validation from others, yes. But they also reflect a self-dialogue to boster our self-esteems, to assure ourselves that we are not frauds in the face of individuals who seem much more accomplished and put-together than ourselves.
Honestly, if we’re going to call ourselves frauds because of our flaws, this world is fuller of BS than my IB History essays. Victory is sweet, but the joy it brings is often short-lived. What I’ve realized is that for the activities I’m passionate about (writing, ballet, and managing It’s Real immediately come to mind), it’s much more fulfilling to improve myself and/or the project than to decorate it with awards. I’ve learned this year (although I’m far from a social butterfly) that I love connecting with people through my art and It’s Real: I’ve come to view these connections as the ultimate “achievement” for my work. And the best thing is that this achievement doesn’t have an end to it. It keeps growing as I grow, and it’s often unaccompanied by imposter syndrome. After all, you can’t really quantify connections, nor the significance of your project(s) to another individual.
Of course, everybody experiences imposter syndrome to different extents (some not at all), and everybody has different ways of coping. But I just wanted to discuss something that is typically not considered a severe mental health issue, yet is so widespread and aggravating, especially and ironically among high achievers. Recognizing that there’ll always be someone better than you may be humiliating, yes. But it’s also liberating - why bother pointlessly chasing after validation when you can just work on yourself?
I talked about emotional dependence and the paradox of internal/external validation in earlier pieces, and I believe imposter syndrome is a culmination of these phenomena. It’s hard to discuss imposter syndrome unless you feel relatively confident in yourself (as it is with all mental health issues), but so much of that confidence depends on external validation.
As AP/IB season draws to a finish and college apps begin, remember that imposter syndrome will always be there. And as I usually conclude in my essays, I don’t really have an answer for you. But hey, just take a look at Subtle Asian Traits and you’ll realize that lactose intolerance has never stopped us Asians from getting our boba.